


Boss

by ladywiltshire



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Non-Graphic Violence, Origin Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 07:21:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11686788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladywiltshire/pseuds/ladywiltshire
Summary: It’s the chimeras' first night in The Devil’s Nest, and they’re a little apprehensive still. Greed’s a little drunk as he stumbles into the empty bar.





	Boss

**Author's Note:**

> A drabble I threw out into the wilds of Tumblr a while back.

“… Hey. You guys wanna see something cool?" 

The chimeras all flinch as he pulls out a sword and tosses it to Dolcetto. "Stab me, dude." 

"What?" 

"It’s cool, it’s cool, just make it clean you know? Just – oh my God, I know, just chop my whole fucking head off!" 

The chimeras stare at Greed, wondering if he’s on more than just cognac. 

"You should feel lucky, I normally don’t do beheadings for the newbies.” Greed gets onto the bar top and lays down, extending his neck. 

All eyes on Dolcetto. 

“Come on dude, I said it’s cool." 

"Dolcetto don’t do it. He’s obviously out of his mind!" 

But Dol’s morbidly curious. "Come on Martel, there’s obviously something off about this guy. Don’t tell me hasn’t given you a weird vibe this whole time." 

"Okay, if I die, I owe you a drink. How’s that?” Greed rolls his eyes at the bickering.

The chimeras all exchange bewildered glances. Before anyone looks back to the scene, a sickening “schlunk” splits the air. Greed’s arm, which was hanging from the bar top, plunks to the floor. 

“DOLCETTO!” Martel screams. 

Dolcetto almost looks back to face her until they hear a crackling noise from the bar top. Red lightning begins its dance around the missing limb and the chimeras watch in horror as Greed sits up nonchalantly, watching his arm regenerate. As he flexes his new fingers, Dolcetto drops the sword in shock. 

“Aww man, it would have been so much better if you had done my head." 

”… What are you?“ Roa asks. 

Greed flashes his ouroboros like it’s a State Alchemist’s watch. "A homunculus. I’m sure you heard those government shills blabbing about us, right?” He chuckles. “You’d be hard-pressed to kill me, pal. Anyway.” He dismounts the bar, kicking his old forearm to the side. “That always kills my buzz. Anybody want a drink?" 

"What was that for?” Martel snaps. “Scaring us like that?" 

Greed feigns a pout as he empties a bottle across several low balls. “Alright, alright, my bad. I was just trying to lighten the mood.”

“You could have started with the drinks.” Roa approaches the bar. He picks up the first glass and sniffs it before handing it off to Bido. 

“Well, next time I’ll keep that in mind,” Greed replies. “You’ll get used to it, being around here.”

“I should hope so, homunculus,” Martel sneers. She holds her glass with contempt.

“Yech, don’t call me that.” Greed waves his hand as if waving away her words. “Something else.”

“Well, what would you have us call you?” Bido finally speaks.

“Hmm,” Greed strokes his chin. “’Boss’ is good.”

“Alright, boss.” Ulchi chips in as well, raising his glass. The other chimeras follow suit.

Dolcetto takes a sip, then his eyebrows raise in remembrance. He leans down to pick up the sword. “Hey, uh, boss, you want this back?”

Greed looks disinterestedly at the object. 

“Eh. Keep it, it looks good on you.”


End file.
